I Know This Is Earth Day But Can We Not Just Get Some Tacos?
This might sound crazy. I get it. It’s a Friday. It’s Earth Day. But lets just take a second and think about it. Wouldn’t it be better if we just had tacos?
Let’s be honest, Earth Day is soooooooo depressing. Who needs another recycling lecture from Kay? Especially when we know recycling is whack. The infrastructure just isn’t there, it never was and there aren’t even plans to build it up and make it work. It turns out the whole recycle symbol on plastics is just a ruse from corporations and market extremists to protect their business interests. Go visit your local county recycling center. It’s wild. The symbols are just there to give us false hope and let us think that the single serving yogurt flown in from Australia you had for breakfast was a good idea with zero downsides.
You know what? We may as well just sit back and enjoy some tacos.
Please. Hear me out. It’s not just here at work that Earth Day is depressing. It’s depressing everywhere. OK, so it’s especially depressing here at work. Like the time we had the competition and we all dressed up like endangered species and Gretchen came as a unicorn and got into the fight with Vivian about wether or not unicorns ever existed. And Vivian called Gretchen a “silly whore” who was making light of the whole initiative since sending money to a charity to save a fantasy creature was pointless. But the whole warehouse staff sided with Gretchen and voted for her. To be fair, it was the best costume, it really played to her strengths. She was a very booby unicorn and they really appreciate that aesthetic downstairs. So she got all the money and went out and bought the whole place those giant plastic unicorn horns from China. Which made Vivian cry for about a month as she kept finding them in trash cans and they weren’t even ‘recyclable’. So she gathered them all up and made them into that raft to send to refugees trying to get out of Syria but it wouldn’t float when she tested it and she drowned in the canal…
Yeah. I guess we just don’t have much luck with Earth Day. We’ve really tried. It’s just maybe, like, a done deal?
So we may as well have some delicious tacos.
It’s not like they are ever going to do anything to hold to account the big polluting industries. I doubt they’ll even do the simple things like investing in green infrastructure or just getting together to turn down the air conditioning in empty buildings in Arizona and Texas.
Even at that big climate conference last year, COP26, they ultimately just shrugged and went for tacos. Capital was all like, ‘we just want the little people to think they are to blame while we continue our rapacious assault on the planet to maintain our cash flow’. And all the politicians, who just happen to be owned by capital, went, ‘Oh, Ok then’ and went for tacos.
Maybe some of their tacos were more Wagyu steaks and champagne than actual tacos, but you get my point.
Even when it was directly brought up to Nancy Pelosi by the journalist Abby Martin that the Pentagon was the biggest polluter on the planet and we need to totally retool our priorities to save millions and millions of lives she just went:
“Um, fossil fuels, we all need to use less. I have lots of stocks in the military industrial complex and a fridge full of ice cream so I’ll be fine and anyway, remember what I told those Sunrise kids in my office in 2018, about the Green New Deal, no fkin way!”
Well, it was something like that. Look up the direct quotes if you want, but the bottom line is… we’re toast.
Red MAGA actually want more pollution. Blue MAGA think the Democrats are totally doing the best they can and are not completely in the pockets of Wall Street and all the main global polluters. So we may as well just get a big ol’ plate of tacos. Maybe even the biggest fucking earth sized plate of tacos we can muster. A real ‘last days of Rome’ type blowout.
Hey, why not let Earth Day be a celebration of tacos! Anything we do at this point is not so much like rearranging the chairs on the titanic so much as dusting the chairs on the Titanic in preparation for a possible rearrangement of them if the Pentagon thinks it won’t get in the way of their think tanks, their actuals tanks and their bombs and things.
We may as well just all go and get some tacos.
Look, it’s either that or we all go on strike and really protest now, rejecting absolutely to continue this hideous destruction of our environment by the ruling class who are pursing a doomed capitalist extremism, seeking infinite growth on a finite world. We need to chain ourselves to all the centers of power until we get the Green New Deal. We need to reject all the pretty distractions and choose solidarity and life. We need to reimagine our economic systems to focus on sustainability, disengaging from this death treadmill we are on to begin working quietly in the garden. And I mean literal gardens and also the gardens of our souls where we need to uproot the weeds of all the fake needs and screams and desires of all of our egos.
I know many of us will be locked up for a time. But it will be a glory to our credit. And they can’t lock us all up!
… … … No?
OK, here’s the deal, let’s go to the fancy nice new place across town, it’ll be splurge, but with the way things are going, we may as well cash out now. Two dozen fish. Two dozen carnitas. Two dozen of the Al Pastor, those delicious sticky dripping marinated pork fuckers. Carpe Diem and all that.
Then we can come back, be taco happy and watch reruns of those Billionaires going for joy rides into space which did more pollution than the combined projected lifetime carbon footprint of the entire global south!
They will totally take us with them when this rock becomes an uninhabitable husk.
Now I think of it, maybe we should also get a dozen pitchers of Margarita’s too? After all, there’s not going to be any ice left at the end of the world.