The Dream

Episode 20 of Andy's Podcaster Podcasting Podcast

Intro Music

ANDY

It’s Andy’s Podcaster Podcasting Podcast… Episode 20.

SFX - Airplane, then hotel Infomercial from Clarion Inn

Clarion Infomercial

Wellcome to the Clarion Inn, Lake Buena Vista, Remember how it was to stay at the home of friends who couldn’t wait to greet you? Well, you can rekindle that warm feeling here at The Clarion Inn. Lake Buena Vista…

ANDY

I’m here in Orlando, at Podfest… as you can hear - staying at the Clarion Inn… 

CLARION INFOMERCIAL

… So just put up your feet and enjoy your new home away from home… We’ll make sure you go home with lasting memories, a beautiful tan…

ANDY

WHAT?

CLARION INFORMERCIAL

And a desire to come back and visit us real soon…

ANDY

HOW ARE THEY GOING TO MAKE SURE I LEAVE WITH A TAN? That’s weird. I’m at a conference - indoors all the time - hopefully going to get up to my old stomping ground at the Kerouac House. Not going to get a TAN. AND the weather is fucking cloudy, anyway - PODFEST… It’s been an interesting event so far. It’s one of biggest Podcasting conferences in the US. I think Pod Movement and one in LA are bigger but this one is growing. Two thousand attendees, or something. Set up in a big  wing of conference ballrooms at the Marriott World Hotel right next to Disney World. I’m not staying at Marriott, too expensive. I’m here at the the Clarion Inn, an eight minute Lyft ride up the road. Great quality for the budget option - it doesn’t really feel budget tbh - great price - $120 including tax, booked it on the Hotel Tonight App. Good app, got some good deals through it really - I’ll put a code in the transcript, get you 20% off if you want to use it (use code: ANEWSHAM)…. So the Podfest… I feel like I need to talk about it’s cost from the get go, since I feel a chunk of the conference so far has been trying to sell me stuff. Ok - I got my ticket for free from my Podcast host - Podbean. And I used airmails for the flight down from DC. And I’ve gone the cheap route with a off-site hotel. But if I’d have paid for everything - $300 basic conference fee, that’s not including expansion tickets to a Vidfest specializing in YouTube Channel builders and live streamers, then even with the conference discount for rooms at the Marriott - once you add in The Resort Fee and Florida State Tax and charge to Park your car within a mile of the Marriott World - it’s about $300 per night. So 3 nights and the conference ticket is $1200 right there. Then you have to get here. Orlando, around Spring Break. Lets say you book early, it’s going to be around $400 and probably way more in reality. Airport transfers - maybe another $100 at least. So that’s $1700 to be here, at least, then the Marriott world resort - not exactly a cheap place to have to buy three square meals. And the socializing with optional slash necessary alcoholic beverages. Easily another $500 without the midnight sushi with new friends you’ll probably fall for in the bar. And you have to beware the fallacy of sunk costs, the very real behavior that we all have when committing to something and upon having invested time and energy and money that we then continue to invest time/money/energy which are emotional decisions we do not want to abandon. So then you get here and a lot of the messaging from the organizers is - Buy my book. Look at my cute kids. Buy some Merchandise. Look at my friends, aren’t we a fun little clique, You’re now part of the FAMILY CLIQUE - but not really maybe if you buy the VIP pass to the VIP room, and get behind the curtain. Buy into our friendship circle. Buy a Private Lunch ticket. OK, seriously just take my book - but just promise to buy one on Amazon later or you’re a bad human. Seriously - look at my cute kids. My friend is a goof! He has a podcast about horses! Yeah. Err, I just seriously would advise you to think about the cost of coming here Podcasters. I’m not saying there isn’t going to be some return on investment, sure…

SFX - phone ringing

ANDY

Oh, excuse me, that’s the front desk… Hello. Yes, Yes I’m enjoying my stay. Is it like being with family. well… No. No. It isn’t but that’s not what I was looking for. If my kids were here I wouldn’t be able to go to the conference so…. Right. DO I HAVE A TAN? Well. I was wondering about that… right. NO Absolutely not… I don’t want to sleep under a Nuclear Dawn Trophy Skin Tanning Lamp, that sounds uncomfortable and frankly dangerous… OK. Well, can we just skip the tanning…No… well I didn’t even know it was something you wanted to do… Right. Well it’s not legally binding is it… I think you’re taking it a bit far. OK. I understand. Yes… It’s commendable I suppose. Bit weird… but sure… OK Look in the drawer OK. Nothing. At the back. Next to the Bible. OH right this tube… Right Cigar Store Indian brand skin varnish? You want me to put it on? OK I will. I promise… NO - YOU HAVE A NICE DAY… sheesh well, I suppose that’s what you get for choosing the budget option… OK, where were we. Oh yes Return on Investment… let’s see… I think about 4 of the talks and panels I found worthwhile out of about 25 or so that I went to, many of which I walked out of. I did find some interesting stuff in the Audio Drama track. Sean Howard was a speaker and did a couple of talks and a panel, he’s a producer of a couple of Radio Dramas and has built these things from the ground up to a sustainable place and it was very good to hear his journey and advice on how to grow an audience and what actually works in his drama niche. But all this stuff he’s just published in a set of three articles on Podnews so literally all his information can be digested in the comfort of your own home and you don’t have to spend $20 dollars on a fried egg on slice of wholewheat toast and glass of OJ. There was other good talks there was - a tech guy - Juergen Berkessel, gave an amazing talk about SEO - Search Engine Optimization - helping creatives get their work and internet pages seen by people by working out what it takes to manipulate the algorithms of the GOOGLE DOMINATED digital marketplace. A really valuable talk for sure. Definitely learned a lot, maybe not exactly totally actionable for me at the moment but in the future as an artist you need to know how to work with an online market place and be consistently on page one of any google search related to your output. What else - Oh there was a guy from the UK- Jack Bowman - audio drama writer and producer - who has built a couple of popular shows and companies producing podcast drama. Very Enlightening. What else - met the representative face of my Pod host from the superb Podbean company. Shannon. Picked up the best march freebie from them a very stylish and well put together backpack and got to talk in real life and hopefully I’ll get featured on the main Podbean website. What else… also met some really great fellow podcasters, Chastain, Rick, Aaron, Sarah and Moxie and community is important, community around a common production. I’m a lone wolf producer. It’s important to meet other podcasters who are also putting out content and trying to build a self sustaining and entertaining show. I’m not going to mention their Podcasts here, I’ll save that for another time since I’m going to trend negative again SO for me - my Return on Investment for the Podfest my ROI - for lets see probably a very low and reasonable 300 - 500 dollars all in with food and airport transfers. I think yeah - definitely worth it. Would it have been good at $2000, for me? I really don’t think so. The main thing was The keynotes in the big ballroom - they really felt a little off to be honest. The organizers had corralled a lot of fish in a barrel and had sold us to a bunch of people selling things on the stage in the guise of advising various aspects of financial growth in a burgeoning creative industry. There was a Vanity Publisher selling her business, touting that she can get your book into airport bookshops at a very steep price in reality and probably without a contract that will guarantee your sales or actual appearance in the Airport bookshops. Then there was a Keynote on the final day. A Marketer - a salesman - his advice - Carry gold to celebrities and try and boost yourself as their sycophantic bum weasels or something - then try and feast on their reflected fame in an ultimately weird and soul destroying way. And his big keynote deal was to then get everyone in the room - 1000 plus tired over-networked podcasters to subscribe to his new podcast - Which was just YET ANOTHER white guy interviewing rich white guys about business success - Like we need anymore of those fucking things? There was another keynote from Rob Walch of Lybsyn - he is a tech guy who got into Podcasting early and he runs a Apple Super Fan podcast, he’s totally immersed in the Apple Cult, probably a high ranking bishop or whatever in the Cult of Apple, he probably sleeps on a black sweat stained polo neck stolen from Steve Jobs laundry by a hotel employee in Maui, He comes across a lot like a thin version of the Simpson’s Comic Book Store guy, the sneering nerd. The archetype of aggressive nerd culture and insider knowledge. His basic keynote was Sneering from stage at new podcasters, at our potentially unrealistic dreams of growing a successful show, pointing out that Joe Rogan and celebrity podcasts are cashing in on their already built and existing hundreds of thousands of fans. He has a point if you have unrealistic dreams of podcast glory as a bedroom creative, but if you’re just trying to build good content and have fun, then he just comes off as a mean asshole and I wouldn’t want to go near his company. So there we have it. Podfest 2020. It really was a good trip for me, but just watch yourselves I guess, build community locally and take it from there.

SFX plane landing noise

ANDY

Back home now. Got lot of funny looks on the plane. The lemon neck thing was the least of it…  the erm Tan from the hotel was the real problem… err… well it looked a bit like I was doing blackface… like Joni Mitchel from the album cover of Don Juan’s Reckless Daughter… or Ted Danson from that roast of Whoppi Goldberg… or Virgina Governor Ralph Northam or his State Attorney… you get the idea. But that’s cheap what happens at the cheap option hotel, quality of bed and everything was really perfect but the insistence on leaving with a tan, to the point of not letting me check out until I looked like Billy Crystal at the 2012 oscars but then I got home…  and then it was straight into Pandemic lock down. When I got the Florida, the first news was that they’d cancelled South by Southwest but Disney was still open and the Airport in Orlando was packed. Trump was calling it a Hoax of course. It was the sixth of March. I was a little wary, washed my hands. Carried sanitizer. One lyft I took from an old guy who had a hacking cough was a little unsettling. But I guess I made it through - we’re well past the infection complications from the trip now. I hope you are all safe and coping OK with this new reality. Good time to listen to some Podcasts right? And I’ve got a good one for you today…

Music - rise of the black centipede - Mario Rom’s Interzone

ANDY

Its… Review… Time… Mmmmmwahahahahahahahahahahaha

AnDY

Today I’m reviewing The Dream… from Little Everywhere and Stitcher. It’s hosted and produced by award winning journalist Jane Marie - who produced This American Life for years - and Grammy nominated musician Dann Gallucci. It’s a show that explores the lies, lawsuits and often funny and outrageous history behind the methods of capitalist exploitation that are running rampant in modern America. There are two seasons. The first season deals with pyramid schemes like Amway and Mary Kay and how they went from exploiting gender inequalities in society to successfully rebranding themselves as M.L.M.’s sometimes known as ‘Mormans Losing Money’ but actually an acronym for multi - level - marketing companies, or social networking and the second season looks at the incredible trillion dollar ‘Wellness Industry’ - everything from the unregulated Vitamin Nutrition industry to Gweneth Paltrow’s Goop and the disease mongering of modern day snake oil sellers exploiting the cracks in our predatory and flawed for profit health system. This is a cracking podcast. So it’s from This Life Alum, and it’s very much in the line of Serial but I think it’s better than that first season of Serial. WHAT! HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT ANDY? BETTER THAN SERIAL! YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS! HOW COME I’VE NEVER HEARD OF IT? Well, it’s a crowded podcast market place now. And the show has a great mix of components that elevate it above that first season of Serial and many over shows. It has a compelling Personal Story angle, through Jane Marie - in the first season she talks to close family and friends who’ve fallen for a load of these ‘home business’ personal selling programs in which you are promised wealth, community and business kudos but in reality are forced into debt by virtue of participation with the only avenue to success being lining up a series of other suckers below you on your pyramid shaped structure. Then it takes it up a notch by having a colleague go under cover and sining up as a new an actual agent for Lime Light - Lime Life Make Up #hashtag Girl Boss. And then while that is unfolding they bring in the history of MLM’s in America and introduce you to the hilarious origin story of Holiday Magic and William Penn Morris through to how the Devos family successfully fought off the FTC and bought off the Republican party with vast amounts of money to save their AMWAY scam through friendly politicians like President Gerald Ford. And you’ll remember Betsy Devos of Amway has currently bought her self a place in Trump’s Criminal take over of the executive branch as Education Secretary. It’s brilliant, fun and essential listening. I’m sure you’ve all had some weird contact with some friend or slight acquaintance from Church trying to sell you some business scheme or essential oil that will help your body heal by unlocking it’s quantum potential. You’ve got to hear this show. season two has a similar arc with a mix of the personal, history, investigation and expert testimony. I’m at the point with the growth on my neck, the lemon, that I’m getting a number of people offering advice and supplements to help cure it so it was also a very timely issue for me at the moment. And it covers how our broken healthcare system with for profit middle men muddying the waters and the hyper dangerous cults of money and celebrity work to exploit dark areas and our insecurities with hyper-powered psy-opps propaganda, often directly aided by government inaction that is bought by the lobbies that own it.  

One thing the Pandemic is revealing is that our current system is failing badly. With Trump now in the Oval Office pushing an untested drug - Hydroxychloroquine - as a cure for the corona virus. The President actually pulling a Wellness scam on an American public that he’s sacrificing at the alter of mammon. We are very much a pyramid shaped country, the supposed meritocracy that rewards hedge fund managers and reality TV stars with power and wealth while front line nurses die alone on subsistence wages has to change. AND This show has begun a great job of breaking down how the reality of our capitalist extremist system works and really well worth your time.  The Dream. From Jane Marie and Little Everywhere gets 5 stars, two thumbs up… and a glimpse of the violence inherent in the system…

Music - rise of the black centipede - Mario Rom’s Interzone

SFX - Andy’s Phone

TATTOOINE

It’s TATTOOINE, Still waiting for your credit card numbers man. Lets not get heavy with this. We do have a verbal contract. If you don’t like the cock thing, I get it, that’s cool. I’ve been taking a bit of heat from the ME TOO movement… they don’t like some of my old pictures of Princess Leah… and some of the new ones with Rey and Rose and Admiral Holdo. I got taken off Instagram and Twitter. It’s a joke man. It’s my business. It’s a witch hunt but Tattooine is no witch. Except maybe that one time at Stone Henge in the late 80’s… Man I am so hung over. Too much Mandalorian Gin! You know what they say. Once you’ve had Mandalorian Gin… you don’t want to drink any other type of non-Mandalorian gin… which is funny because it’s technically a gas… Anyway, give me a call man. And don’t worry about the cocks. Lets go totally vaginal… I’m thinking… maybe… Tom Waits… giving birth to baby Yoda and the whole spunky universe out of his big hairy Vag… I can do it. Trust me.

SFX - PHONE HANG UP.

ANDY

Oh man the Tom Waits Tattoo guy! That’s a bonus of the pandemic lockdown. No way he can get on a plane now! Got a bit of breathing room. I don’t know what to do. Hedge is still pissed about the Death Star thing. Just ghosting me. Got a few texts. Bullshit.

Sfx - radio static - Sound of Chinese Wet Market

Food HAWKER

PANGOLIN! PANGOLIN! Get your Pangolin…

Customer

Could I have an ice-cream please.

Food HAWKER

I don’t have ice-cream, I just have this Pangolin… PANGOLIN

Customer

What flavor is it?

food Hawker

It’s a Pangolin, it’s not any flavor

customer

It must have some flavor, everything has some flavor…

food hawker

Alright, alright, it’s bloody Pangolin Flavor, it’s bleeding scaly ant-eater flavor… PANGOLIN!

Customer

Does it have wafers?

food Hawker

course it doesn’t have fucking wafers!

SFX- radio static - Montage of Evangelical preachers disregarding pandemic advice

ANDY

Going to be a lot of nominations for The Darwin Awards this year. This country, this world, being torn apart by the ignorant, the gullible, the easily led who were driven at birth away from critical thinking and into the arms of religion that makes them easy prey for all kinds of grift. Nothing like a good plague to increase a populations appreciation of science and the pointlessness of prayer.

SFX - radio static

Modern Major General

I am the very model of effective social distancing

I listen to the experts on the topic of resistencing

I know that brunch and board and brew aren’t really as imperative

As doing what I can to change the nation’s viral narrative

I’m very well acquainted with living solitarily

And I’m confident that everyone can do it temporarily

Read a book, compose a song or write some ernest doggeral

And help demolish Trump before our next event inaugural

You know Capitalist Extremism is going to destroy humanity

The GOP is selling stocks while screaming ‘Hoax’ through Hannity

The propaganda of the rich has you split upon a schism

The solution to this fucking mess is embracing Socialism!

SFX - radio static - menacing drone

ANDY

So… first he sacked the Pandemic response team and went golfing, then he called it a Hoax… and went golfing.

TRUMP

Now the Democrats are politicizing the corona virus, they have no clue they have no clue, they can’t even count their votes in Iowa. This is their new Hoax…

ANDY

Then he said he had a ‘hunch’ it wasn’t all that deadly, went golfing, then he bragged the fifteen cases would soon be down to nothing… and went golfing… 

TRUMP

And we did something pretty amazing, we have 15 cases in this massive country and because of the fact that we went early, we could have had a lot more than that. We have the resources we need and so far we have lost nobody to corona virus in the united states…they talk about 35 and 40 thousand people and we’ve lost nobody and the press is in hysteria mode…

ANDY

Trump and the GOP are responsible for the skyrocketing death rate and it’s called murder. Such a level of gross murderous incompetence should lead to his court marshal. 

SFX - radio static

ANDY

Most of the lyrics to that Pirates of Penzance spoof were written by Eliza Rubinstein - the choral master at Orange Coast College - link and credit to her in the transcript… One of the verses was mine, and I did change a few words here and there… And I apologize sincerely for singing!

Music - Everything is Permitted - Mario rom’s interzone

Andy

So that’s a wrap!

How you handling the quarantine? If you like listening to me, please spread the word, and leave me a review. And if you really want to help, click the link and buy me a coffee for a couple of bucks! The Jazz is provided by the amazing Mario Rom’s Interzone. I don’t know who’s providing your jazz, but I think you should switch to these cats! ANDYS PODCASTER PODCASTING PODCAST is sponsored by the American shoe council over 30,000 years of Bi-pedal History. Shoes! How else you going to protect your feet? Have a great week. I hope social distancing is working out for you and giving you time to spend with your loved ones and reconnect with people on zoom and skype. I hope your able to take long walks in nature. I hope you’re meditating. I hope you’re pulling out and reading all those forgotten classics on your bookshelves. I hope you’re all OK. Have a great week, bbbb-bye…